spring break 2009: portugese lady disses baby.

one afternoon we had rain for like five minutes. it made auntie haiku and me sad.

rain, rain, go away!

so, naturally, we went to the bar! there we met a lady who was wearing a t-shirt that said, "thinking of you baby!" i went up to say, "ola, amiga! cool shirt!" she didn't speak any english. and she wasn't very nice. luckily, she brought her translator on holiday with her. we told him to tell that i wanted to have my picture taken with her cool t-shirt.

how rude!

you're not gonna believe what she did! that portugese lady held me over her face like she didn't want to have her picture taken with me! i told her translator to tell her, "do you know who i am? tell this skinny bitch to stop sniffing my ass!"

who pooped in her diaper?

xoxo. baby.

spring break 2009: baby does the beach.

i met lots of cool new people on holiday. they didn't mind that i prefer to sun myself in the nude. c'est tres european, n'est-ce pas?

just the ladies.

we chilled on the beach, listening to music, sipping on margaritas and checking our tan lines. one cute boy brought us drinks often. we called him TOD, short for "Tray Of Drinks." daddy j told me not to call him that, he said that we were objectifying poor TOD. silly, daddy! TOD a term of endearment, like "sweet cheeks" or "honey buns"!

one of these things is not like the others.

i felt very comfortable in my birthday suit as there was no shortage of dudes in g-strings.

soaking up the rays.

daddy j got burned pretty bad on the first day. for most of the week he had to stay in the shade while i partied with my new amigas. the beach was beautiful. it made up for the poopy food and shitty service.

auntie chrissie, uncle scottie and i, having a chat with the presidente.

everybody loved to hang out with me on the beach. it was great until the water came up to our chairs and washed all our stuff away. it was like our very own mini-tsunami.

i had no idea i was so popular.

i want to shout out to my new friends: auntie margo, uncle i-haven't-seen-that-dude-since-grad-trip, and auntie probono. we rocked out with our cocks out on the beach. i miss you guys!

xoxo. baby.