baby blogr on board

spring break 2009: portugese lady disses baby.

2009-04-19T21:00:00.001-04:00

one afternoon we had rain for like five minutes. it made auntie haiku and me sad.

rain, rain, go away!

so, naturally, we went to the bar! there we met a lady who was wearing a t-shirt that said, "thinking of you baby!" i went up to say, "ola, amiga! cool shirt!" she didn't speak any english. and she wasn't very nice. luckily, she brought her translator on holiday with her. we told him to tell that i wanted to have my picture taken with her cool t-shirt.

how rude!

you're not gonna believe what she did! that portugese lady held me over her face like she didn't want to have her picture taken with me! i told her translator to tell her, "do you know who i am? tell this skinny bitch to stop sniffing my ass!"

who pooped in her diaper?

xoxo. baby.

spring break 2009: baby does the beach.

2009-04-19T11:29:00.001-04:00

i met lots of cool new people on holiday. they didn't mind that i prefer to sun myself in the nude. c'est tres european, n'est-ce pas?

just the ladies.

we chilled on the beach, listening to music, sipping on margaritas and checking our tan lines. one cute boy brought us drinks often. we called him TOD, short for "Tray Of Drinks." daddy j told me not to call him that, he said that we were objectifying poor TOD. silly, daddy! TOD a term of endearment, like "sweet cheeks" or "honey buns"!

one of these things is not like the others.

i felt very comfortable in my birthday suit as there was no shortage of dudes in g-strings.

soaking up the rays.

daddy j got burned pretty bad on the first day. for most of the week he had to stay in the shade while i partied with my new amigas. the beach was beautiful. it made up for the poopy food and shitty service.

auntie chrissie, uncle scottie and i, having a chat with the presidente.

everybody loved to hang out with me on the beach. it was great until the water came up to our chairs and washed all our stuff away. it was like our very own mini-tsunami.

i had no idea i was so popular.

i want to shout out to my new friends: auntie margo, uncle i-haven't-seen-that-dude-since-grad-trip, and auntie probono. we rocked out with our cocks out on the beach. i miss you guys!

xoxo. baby.

dear baby...

2009-03-20T11:48:00.000-04:00

hey, you guys!

i get tons of mail. most people want to tell me how great i am, some send me gifts and others write looking for advice. that's probably because i am so worldly and smart. people seem to think i have all the answers. and that's because most of the time i do. people also like how clever i am. can i help it if i was born witty? but enough about me...

the following is a letter i recently received and the response that i dictated to my personal assistant, tara reid. yup, that tara reid. i call her tried, for short. treid's been unable to get work as an "actress" recently and getting me coffee is the only job that she is qualified to do that doesn't require her to take off her clothes. besides, treid likes to party. and baby likes to party. and therefore baby likes treid. i feel like i am someone that tara can look up to, i can be the role model treid needs to set a positive example.

welcome on board, treid!

i don't believe that alcohol and drug abuse are the biggest problems that treid needs to address. she obviously has more pressing concerns like common sense and self-respect. she showed up for her first day in the above outfit looking like a cross between ET and eminem! i vow to step in and fill whatever emotional void treid is trying to fill by dressing like an idiot. baby will fix this hot tranny mess named tara reid!

anyhoo, back to my letter. the name of the author has been changed to protect the privacy of my adoring fan.

dear baby,

i love you! you are the cutest baby ever! i read your blog all the time and i think you are the best! no, really, you are awesome! can i have a job? i'm in between work right now and am thinking of a career change!

my past skills include baking pie and getting really really wasted! a lot! i mean legendarily wasted! the kind of wasted that makes you famous!

sincerely,
Feeling Ugly Can Kill While in Toilet!

i replied:

dear FUCKWIT!

do you know what a period is? cool it on the exclamation points! if you talk with that kind of punctuation, you must be as annoying in person as you are by mail! haha just kidding, sweetie! you're awesome too!

it just so happens that i have an opening... so, yes you can have a job. just try to keep a lid on the chatter, sweetie. the sound of your voice makes blood shoot out of my eyes. if you can remember that i take my martini shaken not stirred, we'll get along just fine.

f.y.i. FUCKWIT, you have to have a career to be able to change it! *giggles.*

xoxo. baby.

nyc, baby! on the VIP list.

2009-03-20T11:33:00.000-04:00

yo yo yo!

in nyc auntie haiku knew all the cool places to go. for instance, there was a speakeasy called "dare not speak my name" or "don't tell about me" or something like that. i couldn't tell even if i wanted to because i can't remember what it was called. all i know is that it was super secret and super exclusive. so auntie haiku made us resos and we went for afternoon cocktails. the only thing better than afternoon cocktails is getting loaded at lunch. but that's another story entirely...

the phone booth.

so to get to this speakeasy, you have to go to this dump of a hotdog shop. after you come in, you go to a phone booth, pick up the receiver and say "hello?" then the back wall to the phone booth opens inward and you get ushered in to this hip little bar with leather banquettes. it was super cool!

make way! hot stuff coming through!

i have to admit, the place seemed to be a bit of a fire hazard but that was part of the fun. pretty soon we were all drunk enough that no one cared.

gettin' loaded after a long day of shopping.

the drinks were delish and totally unusual. the menu asked us not to tell anyone what was in them. those drinks were TOP SECRET, bitches!

also, they served hot dogs. at first i thought gross! and then i heard it was a hot dog that was wrapped in bacon and deep fried and smothered in kim chee. holy shit! that was some dog!

loaded.

per usual, i got a little drunk and climbed onto the taxidermied animals hung on the walls. some people drunk dial, others drunk text... i drunkidermy.

xoxo. baby.

spring break 2009: baby goes to margaritaville.

2009-03-18T10:30:00.002-04:00

while i was in the dominican republic, i managed to catch up on my personal reading. as you can imagine, the life of a baby is a hectic flurry of glamorous activity in the city. that is why i like to occasionally travel to third-world countries to exploit the local economy in order to relax, unwind and catch up on my reading.

baby is an intellectual.

one afternoon shortly after arriving, as i was reading by the pool, a very handsome gentleman approached me and said something in a very heavy spanish accent. i said, "thank you, pedro, fresh towels in my room would be lovely." he looked a little confused and proceeded to offer me margarine. i said, "no thank you, i don't eat butter substitutes made of hydrogenated oils." he said, "no, no, senorita... margarita!"

"well, it does look delightfully refreshing," i noted cheerfully, "what's in it?" "tequila," he said. "mother's milk!" i replied.

baby's first margarita!

it was delish! i turned to my new found friend pedro and asked if this sweet nectar came super-sized. alas, we were unable to communicate due to what became painfully obvious as pedro's limited capabilities in english. i patted him on the tush and waved him away.

baby's second & third margarita, and a mai tai for good measure!

needless to say i spent the rest of the afternoon getting schmammered. my spanish improved greatly that afternoon as i learned that margarita is spanish for "let's get this party started!"

xoxo. baby.

nyc, baby! baby = art and the blog is born.

2009-03-18T10:08:00.001-04:00

well hello, adoring fans...

i can imagine that some of you wonder how baby became the blogging phenomenon that she is. well, here is the story behind it:

daddies km and j took me to the metropolitan museum of art. daddies are cheap and didn't want to pay my admission fee. i don't know what the men at security desk's problem was when they found me hiding in daddy km's murse, but they gave us funny looks and said, "we won't even ask." how rude!

first we went to roman statuary. i wanted to pretend i was a statue. statues are cool. while daddy j was taking my picture, another rude security guard came up and yelled at us. he said that i shouldn't stand so close to the statue. so i moved away and the minute the guard turned away i flipped him the bird and moved closer again. nobody tells baby what to do!

"defiance, in profile."

then we went across the room to take more pictures. ANOTHER security guard yelled at us from across the room. they are some uptight at the met! it was at that time we realized our mission to take pictures would need to be more covert. special agent baby, operation: insubordination.

"big head series #17."

so then we went upstairs. we were wandering around for about an hour when a security guard approached us. what the fuck is it now, i wondered. he asked, "are you doing an art project?" we had no idea what he was talking about. "you were taking pictures of the baby downstairs," he said, pointing at me. "everyone is talking about it. word travels fast."

it was at this moment i realized that i had achieved celebrity status. people were whispering, "who's that?" and "what is she doing?" and they were whispering it about me wherever i went. people can instinctively tell that there is something special about me, that i am not like other babies.

"damn straight," daddy j told him, "this is an art project and baby is our muse."

"ooohhhh!" he exclaimed. "she's so beautiful! i want to see more!" he then gave us carte blanche to do whatever we wanted for pictures, as long as we didn't use a flash. what a nice man after all, my very first fan!

"little head series #32."

so that afternoon, i decided that baby was too special to be put in a corner. i decided that it was my responsibility to blog my adventures for those less interesting than me, because i care about the little people! i have so much to give, and that way people can read all about me and see my pictures.

it wasn't an easy decision. i am sacrificing much for fame. take my privacy, for instance. people write me all the time, they want to know who i hang with (only cool peeps), where i go (the hottest spots) and what i wear (dolce and gabbana, bitches!). they want to know my intimate thoughts, the sordid details of my escapades (it's lucky juju can't read!), my advice for getting poop out of cloth diapers. it is a heavy burden, but somebody's got to bear it!

enjoying a coffee after much art-making.

after we finished taking pictures, we went to the cafe for refreshments. the security guard was right, everyone was stopping to stare and whispering about me. at one point a small mob of paparrazi gathered to take my picture. eat your heart out, paris hilton!

so stay tuned, there's lots more baby to come!

xoxo. baby.

spring break 2009: baby builds a sand castle.

2009-03-10T08:32:00.001-04:00

there was lots to do at the resort, like promise some dude named juan carlo that we would run back to our rooms and bring him all our money in exchange for cheap trinkets. "oh, juan carlo! of course we'll be right back. we would never forget about you!" ... sucker.

the frugal person's swimsuit.

and there was the beach. girls like to complain about sand in their swimsuits. you know what i say? fuck a swimsuit, go european!

i also got to build my first sand castle. all my new friends helped me. truth be told, building sandcastles is boring as shit. you pile up some sand and the surf comes and washes it all away. i like efficient, productive activities with some sort of point. i get that from daddy j's side of the family.

working hard or hardly working?

what's the best part about building a sandcastle? beer and daquiris!

the moment i realized i should have been wearing a swimsuit.

xoxo. baby.

nyc, baby! times square.

2009-03-10T08:00:00.002-04:00

hey yo!

back in january, daddies j and km took me to new york city! nyc was actually the place where my idea to start my blog happened. but more on that later...

freezing my tits off in times square.

while we were in nyc, daddy km wanted to go see a show. i share daddy j's sensibilities on entertainment. musicals: thumbs down. as far as movies go: kids, animals or cartoons - thumbs down, thumbs down, thumbs down. strippers and binge drinking: two thumbs up!

but we love daddy km so we humoured him. and by "humoured" i mean "froze our asses off in times square to get tickets."

a blustery day to stand in line for theatre tickets.

we ended up getting tickets to "avenue Q." it was okay. there was a lot of puppet baby-making that daddy j had to cover my eyes during. "everybody's a little bit racist" was my favourite song. it reminds me of glenn beck: blatant, shameless racism. sigh. he's so dreamy.

random dragon parade.

there was lots to do and see. we ate and shopped and ate and shopped and ate and shopped. okay, there wasn't that much to do but we did a lot of eating and shopping. because the american economy is in the toilet, everything was on super-sale and you know how baby loves a good bargain!

high kicks!

i auditioned for "a chorus line." they said i was really good but too short for the role. but now we are in talks for me to headline a show on broadway with back up dancers and everything. it's gonna be a mixture of a little bit of comedy, a dash of live music, and a pinch of dancing, a la bette midler. the working title is "will ferrell is a chach."

where's waldo doesn't have anything on me!

more to come...

xoxo. baby.

spring break 2009: baby does duty free.

2009-03-09T11:30:00.003-04:00

'sup, dawgs!

cigarettes and booze at tax free prices? mi dios! i almost dropped a load in my diaper!

i am going to let you in on a little secret: baby is very frugal. i like to save money wherever i can. take toilet paper, for instance. i don't use any, just a nice little bum cloth. reusable, environmentally friendly and cheap like borscht! ...so when i saw the deals at the duty free, i couldn't resist myself!

can i get some help reaching the top shelf?

i was going to save a whole 35 cents on this bottle! i figured i could put it in diaper bag for emergencies. until something caught my eye from the top shelf.

that's more like it!

that's more like it! if there is anything that baby likes more than a good deal, it's hard liquor! and, for $4.62 in savings, i could carry this bottle around for 4000km and 24 hours of travel time. it's a small price to pay.

baby is a label whore.

dolce and gabbana is one of my favs. they're so cool! i only wear the real thing. knock-offs are for chumps! at $350 USD, these were a steal at the duty free!

a little something for juju.

i made a quick stop by the fragrance isle. only "aqua di gio" for juju, it's his signature scent!

xoxo. baby.

baby hearts tatas.

2009-03-09T11:22:00.002-04:00

ciao, bellas and bellos!

a while back, daddy j took me to shaker's lounge. apparently, it is a kingston institution for fine entertainment. who knew?!?!

hot baby!

anyway, we went with a big group of people. we all sat in pervert's alley. i asked daddy j what a pervert is and he told me that a pervert is a man who supports the local economy.

we saw amazing things at shaker's! there was a lady who used her body, two big tubes of glow in the dark paint and a big salt shaker filled with glitter as a t-shirt making machine. the lady in thigh-high latex boots who got on stage next seemed irritated by all the glitter on the stage. i told her, "you think the glitter on the stage is bad? you should have seen that other woman's va-jay-jay!"

the t-shirt maker came back later with 4 fiery batons and proceeded to make us understand where the term "hot babes" comes from. whoa caliente, mamacita!

the big man with tattoos didn't like us taking pictures.

for the finale, 2 ladies, a kiddie pool filled with sudsy water and sponges, and five people from the audience got on stage and had a bubble bath. super fun! i wanted to join but daddy j said that he had to draw a line somewhere. i can't wait to go back, we had so much fun!

xoxo. baby.

spring break 2009: the poolside report in haiku.

2009-03-08T14:05:00.004-04:00

baby went away
to the dominican isle.
warm and sunny, yea!

baby chillin' by the pool.

the service was shit
rude, slow and unresponsive.
can i get a fork?

beautiful mr. sun
was the only kind person
who served us sweet shine.

the kiddie pool, adjacent to the fat person pool.

big frog by the pool
for children to play and laugh
you look stupid, frog.

where's baby?

baby loves to slide
down into the cool water
i drink from the pool.

the yellow cloud of
pee that surrounds me, i hope
no one notices.

there i am!

fat people like beached
whales hog all the umbrellas
ouch! i am burning.

sally and i felt an immediate bond.

i made a new friend
i found sally by the pool
we got to talking

i told her about
the nice bartender jorge (hor-heh)
at the swim up bar.

jorge makes a mean
margarita with four big
shots of tequila!

sally said "whoa, papi!
dos margitas por favor!"
jorge i.d.'d her.

i said, "sally babe,
you're bringing me down." i left
her where i found her.

xoxo. baby.

spring break 2009: baby learns to swim.

2009-03-08T13:45:00.002-04:00

there comes a time in every young ingenue's life when she must brave the cold waters of urine contaminated public pools and learn to swim. at least, this is the conclusion i came to after 7 margaritas.

safety first!

i "borrowed" (= stole) my wings from a nearby stranger. she gave me the stink eye but her mommy told her to be nice, that sharing is good. she cried a little. i said, "honey, big girls don't cry!" and i helped myself.

arial view: building up the courage.

swimming is scary. especially with all the european men in banana hammocks around. gross!

i am ready for my close-up!

finally i noticed the swim-up bar on the far side of the pool. like a fat kid to a smartie i was over there pronto! many of my admirers said that i reminded them of michael phelps. without the bong, of course! who knew learning to swim would be so easy?

spring break 2009: d-bag safari.

2009-02-24T08:45:00.002-05:00

so our resort was filled with d-bags. daddy j called it a d-bag convention. i asked him what that meant. he told me it was kind of like a big group of cockroaches in billabong shorts with boyband hair. ah, mi comprendo!

for seven days and seven nights, we hunted the d-bag like wild game, documenting its every move...

douche en repose.

the d-bag is an energetic and social creature. it never sleeps. it also never travels alone. daddy j says that this is a co-mutual grooming technique for their fragile egos.

segway 1, d-bag 0.

although we did not have an opportunity to dissect one, it would seem that the d-bag has a brain the size of a pea; it is not very smart. this one lost a battle of the wills with a segway. when it fell off, the man who owned the segway thought it best to banish the d-bag from riding it any further.

"frostylocks" was particularly elusive.

the mating call of the d-bag is "aieaieaieaieaiiiieeeee!!!" it appears that the d-bag was in heat as we heard it make this noise at all times of the day, even at breakfast.

comparing genitalia.

daddy j thought that all d-bags looked the same. but auntie haiku began to notice subtle differences between members of the species. some had hair on the top of its head, some on the bottom. we nicknamed the one on the left "chinstrap."

chinstrap: "seriously, dude, mine is THIS big!"

xoxo. baby.

glenn beck is dreamy.

2009-02-24T08:18:00.000-05:00

hey y'all!

i have a new crush. juju and i are exclusive but that doesn't mean that i am not allowed to look. my new crush's name is glenn beck. glenn (we are on a first name basis) is part of the larger umbrella of foxnews. foxnews is awesome. don't let the name fool you, it has nothing to do with news. it's kind of like the TV version of grapenuts.

glenn is so smart. under "education" wikipedia describes glenn as,

a "self-educated" man. He claims that he "spent more time in the parking lot than in class." As he began to recover from alcoholism, he decided he would throw everything he knew out and start from scratch. He began reading by having a book in every room. He read things that would contradict each other (ex. Nostradamus vs. Pope John Paul).

amongst glenn's other great ideas, glenn thinks that capturing illegal immigrants, then pointing guns at and kicking them furthers the american ideal of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. i think glenn should petition to amend the constitution! this is a picture of me and glenn:

raisin' the roof for glenn: the baby seal of approval!

isn't he so handsome? doesn't he just have the whitest skin?

glenn's favourite saying to describe something amazing is "it'll make blood shoot out of your eyes!" *giggle* he has such a way with words. check him out!

daddy j says that i shouldn't watch so much of glenn on TV, that he will pollute my mind. when people talk about glenn like that it makes blood shoot out of my eyes. glenn beck would say that daddy j is just an immigrant-loving liberal.

xoxo. baby.

spring break 2009: baby gone wild

2009-02-23T19:05:00.001-05:00

ola amigas & amigos.

sorry it's been a while since my last post. daddy j took me to the dominican republic. i had mucho fun. there is so much to tell you about! we went "all-inclusive," which in dominican republic-speak means, "drink the price of your trip in margaritas." daddy j says that it's good to have goals on holiday, it provides structure.

my new do.

do you like my new hair-do? i went a baby and i came back a dominican princess.

we had to be at the airport super early. uncle iz took a nap.

3:24 a.m., i was the only one of my traveling companions 100% awake.

i made sure to bring my passport. otherwise those humourless people who work at the airport at 3 a.m. would say, "no way, jose!" and make me stay home. fuck that, i was going dominican or bust!

get thee to a margaritery!

daddy j, auntie haiku and i shared a room. we had lots of laughs over the week. we also made an new friend. his name is presidente. the invisible people who kept taking our towels and not replacing them left bottles of him in our fridge everyday.

auntie haiku and i were super excited!

more to come!

xoxo. baby.

i wish that eddie murphy was my daddy.

2009-02-09T14:15:00.004-05:00

'sup!

eddie murphy has just agreed to pay $50,000 per month for his daughter until her 18th birthday. she's only 1 years old. i don't know how to count but that is mucho dinero. daddy km says we're gonna see a lot more shitty eddie murphy movies. i didn't tell my dads but i wrote eddie murphy a letter:

whazzup, ed murph!

my name is baby. i am super cute (please see my picture included). i need a nice, generous daddy like you. currently i live with poor people. life sucks here. want to adopt me? fyi, you crack me up. i think that you are hilarious when you dress up like a fat old lady. daddie murphy has an especially nice ring to it, don't you think?

xoxo. baby.

p.s. scary spice always made me wet the bed too. can you guess who my fav spice girl was?

$50 000 please!

besides, i don't believe that tranny hooker thing for a moment. eddie's gonna be the best dad! we're gonna be such a happy family!

xoxo. baby.

meet auntie haiku.

2009-02-07T18:25:00.011-05:00

scholem-aleichem!

this is auntie haiku. she is teaching me how to write japanese poetry. i think that i am pretty good.

my name is baby,
the baby with one lone curl.
i wear a diaper.

baby jaeggy bombs,
they are my favourite drink
even more than milk.

my boyfriend juju
can benchpress my petite frame.
he is big and strong.

uncle hicks buys me
stella when we go out. we
party like rockstars.

my daddies tell me
i should behave myself. NO!
baby loves party.

me and auntie haiku.

xoxo. baby.

auntie em's bday - part four

2009-02-07T17:37:00.005-05:00

uh-oh. my daddies weren't so happy with me.

here comes trouble!

as the party was winding down, my dads wanted to go home. after looking for me for ages, they finally found me.

i had too much fun.

passed out on a chair. i know, you're asking yourself, "how could they tell it was baby? this could be any baby passed out face down on a chair at the end of a party." look closely.

my "signature" look.

see that random curl coming out of the back of my head? daddy j calls it my "signature" look. he says that it makes me stand out in a crowd. i love my luscious lock. it makes me look so glamorous. then we all went home and went to bed. and that's the story of auntie em's birthday party!

xoxo. baby.

auntie em's bday - part three

2009-02-07T17:29:00.005-05:00

then it was time for cake. everybody sang auntie em happy birthday. and some weird, high-pitched song about loving your rainbow's heart.

baby's first dirty sanchez.

auntie es gave me a "dirty sanchez." mmm, chocolate. but she wasn't done there...

i smell trouble!

no, auntie es, no!

happy birthday, auntie em!

baby likes to party + baby likes chocolate = disaster.

a hot mess.

thank goodness my daddies weren't around to see this one. aunties hamilton and wilkanator came to my rescue and cleaned me up. TBC...

auntie em's bday - part two

2009-02-07T17:28:00.000-05:00

i had lots of fun at auntie em's birthday party. people seem to really like me. i was very popular.

going on safari.

i made lots of new friends. we played lots of games.

ride 'em cowboy!

daddy j says i was getting sloppy. i prefer the term, "hot mess."

it's cirque du soleil, bitches!

i put on a show for everyone. it involved lights, music and costume changes.

lemme out, i want to party!

aunties es & em decided i should have a time out. TBC...

auntie em's bday - part one

2009-02-07T16:46:00.000-05:00

it was auntie em's birthday. we saw lots of daddy j's old friends who moved away. he misses them lots. i can't believe that a grown man cries that much.

girls just wanna have fun.

auntie hamilton was especially excited to meet me. auntie wilkanator took me under her wing.

me and auntie wilkanator.

i love auntie wilkanator. she's so silly!

auntie es and daddy: not so impressed.

my daddies kinda lost track of me that evening. i gots me up to some hijinx.

baby loves hint o' lime (just like daddy) but scoops will do.

daddy j says that i have to be careful or else i will get a reputation. daddy km says i already have one.

baby getting kinda out of control.

everyone was doing shooters. my daddy j always says that shooters are a social lubricant. i guess you could say i got socially lubricated and stuck my head in a box. TBC...

xoxo. baby.

baby's first tailgate.

2009-02-07T16:23:00.000-05:00

picture it, homecoming 2008. daddy j and his friends were skipping their friday afternoon class to go drink beer out of the back of uncle geoff's new truck. i said, "i like beer, i'll drive!" and off we went.

baby behind the wheel.

baby is a very careful driver. i look both ways when i come to an intersection. i use my rearview mirrors often.

checkin' my blindspot.

we were getting pretty close to where we were going. i said, "what's the hold up? let's get this party started!"

coors light is gross and for poor people.

unfortunately, somebody cheaped out at the beer store. i only drink imports if i have a choice.

baby *hearts* tailgating.

there's nothing quite like the taste of beer while in the back of a truck. daddy j calls it the taste of nostalgia. i don't know what that means but i like it!

xoxo. baby.

uncle hicks

2009-02-07T16:17:00.000-05:00

meet uncle hicks.

uncle hicks.

his actual name is uncle tom but my daddies say i am not allowed to call him that. they say it is not nice to call people that. they say i will understand when i am older.

say hi to uncle hicks! we like to go to the duke. stella is my fav. uncle hicks likes stella too.

xoxo. baby.

i am an insomniack.

2009-02-07T15:59:00.000-05:00

that first night i had trouble sleeping...

4:12 a.m.

at first i thought it was maybe the new surroundings.

4:22 a.m.

what was keeping me awake? the strange noises? the unfamiliar ceiling? was it the really loud, happy people on the street? (my daddies call them "drunk undergrads.")

4:33 a.m.

i tried counting sheep
but i just couldn't sleep.
i lay there in bed
with thoughts of the party in my head.
i didn't know what to do
'til i felt this feeling so new...
(i rhyme just like dr. seuss!)

4:34 a.m.

i was thirsty! i had a little talk with sgt. major and then i went back to bed. no problems sleeping after that!

who's my little guy?

2009-02-07T14:55:00.000-05:00

ola, amigos.

i wanted to introduce you to my bf, juju. i met him at a pregger kegger i attended recently. isn't he dreamy? i knew that we were meant to be 'cause he loves doing baby jaeggy bombs as much as i do. and he's not afraid to cry. i like that in a man. we have so much in common! we both like drooling, soft foods and milk. it doesn't all smell like roses though; sometimes we fight over who gets to have their diaper changed first.

my bf

xoxo. baby.

a fine, warm birth.

2009-02-07T13:59:00.000-05:00

the breeze brought a slight chill to sydenham manoir that september evening. still, spirits were high. it was daddy j's birthday, and he and daddy m were celebrating their recent cohabitation conglomeration. their friends were all there (except those who weren't), and merriment ensued. daddy j tells me that i was the only gift befitting of such an occasion. and he knew it from the moment he saw the crown of my head.

look pa, no placenta!

aunties es&em dressed me in a soft, 3 ply diaper and gave me a beautiful haircut for the party. daddy j and daddy km were enchanted. daddy km likes to say that i had him at "'sup?"

proud papas.

it was quite the party. in the wee hours i eventually retired to my room where i made myself right at home.

right at home.

xoxo. baby.

babyz in 'da house.

2009-02-07T13:34:00.000-05:00

hey y'all, welcome. i'm baby. this is my blog.

i live in kingston with my two dads. they are not "my two dads" as in heterosexual life partners for the sake of situational comedy but rather "my two dads" as in gay. and that's not "that's so gay" gay. they are gay as in "nice, normal homosexual life partners" gay. they are just like you and me. well, maybe more like you than me. but i love them 'cause they're the best. they are teaching me things and taking me places. and you get to read all about it right here. i'm glad you came.

see you soon!

xoxo. baby.

baby blogr on board

spring break 2009: portugese lady disses baby.

spring break 2009: baby does the beach.

dear baby...

nyc, baby! on the VIP list.

spring break 2009: baby goes to margaritaville.

nyc, baby! baby = art and the blog is born.

spring break 2009: baby builds a sand castle.

nyc, baby! times square.

spring break 2009: baby does duty free.

baby *hearts* tatas.

spring break 2009: the poolside report in haiku.

spring break 2009: baby learns to swim.

spring break 2009: d-bag safari.

glenn beck is dreamy.

spring break 2009: baby gone wild

i wish that eddie murphy was my daddy.

meet auntie haiku.

auntie em's bday - part four

auntie em's bday - part three

auntie em's bday - part two

auntie em's bday - part one

baby's first tailgate.

uncle hicks

i am an insomniack.

who's my little guy?

a fine, warm birth.

babyz in 'da house.

baby hearts tatas.